Gender roles with children

Gender Identity Development in Children

By: Jason Rafferty MD, MPH, EdM, FAAP

There are many ways parents can promote healthy gender development in children. It helps to understand gender identity and how it forms.

What's the difference between gender and sex?

Being a boy or a girl, for most children, is something that feels very natural. At birth, babies are assigned male or female based on physical characteristics. This refers to the "sex" or "assigned gender" of the child. Meanwhile, "gender identity" refers to an internal sense people have of who they are that comes from an interaction of biological traits, developmental influences, and environmental conditions. This may be male, female, somewhere in between, a combination of both or neither.

Self-recognition of gender identity develops over time, much the same way a child's physical body does. Most children's asserted gender identity aligns with their assigned gender (sex). However, for some children, the match between their assigned gender and gender identity is not so clear.

How does gender identity develop in children?

Gender identity typically develops in stages:

Around age two: Children become conscious of the physical differences between boys and girls.
Before their third birthday: Most children can easily label themselves as either a boy or a girl.
By age four: Most children have a stable sense of their gender identity.

During this same time of life, children learn gender role behavior—that is, doing "things that boys do" or "things that girls do." However, cross-gender preferences and play are a normal part of gender development and exploration regardless of their future gender identity. See The Power of Play - How Fun and Games Help Children Thrive.

The point is that all children tend to develop a clearer view of themselves and their gender over time. At any point, research suggests that children who assert a gender-diverse identity know their gender as clearly and consistently as their developmentally matched peers and benefit from the same level of support, love and social acceptance.

What parents can do:

All children need the opportunity to explore different gender roles and different styles of play. Parents can make sure their young child's environment reflects diversity in gender roles and encourages opportunities for everyone. Some ideas would be to offer:

Children's books or puzzles showing men and women in non-stereotypical and diverse gender roles (stay-at-home dads, working moms, male nurses and female police officers, for example).
A wide range of toys for your child to choose from, including baby dolls, toy vehicles, action figures, blocks, etc.
By age 6, most children spend most of their playtime with members of their own sex and may gravitate towards sports and other activities that are associated with their gender. It is important to allow children to make choices regarding friend groups, sports and other activities they get involved in. It is also a good idea to check in with your child to learn about their preferences and to make sure they feel included without teasing or bullying.

How do children typically express their gender identity?

In addition to their choices of toys, games, and sports, children typically express their gender identity in the following ways:

Clothing or hairstyle
Preferred name or nickname
Social behavior that reflects varying degrees of aggression, dominance, dependency and gentleness.
Manner and style of behavior and physical gestures and other nonverbal actions identified as masculine or feminine.
Social relationships, including the gender of friends, and the people they decide to imitate.

While a child's gender-specific behavior (i.e. gender expression) at any time seems to be influenced by exposure to stereotypes and their identification with the people in their lives, the internal sense of being a girl, boy, in between or something else (i. e. gender identity) cannot be changed.

How have gender stereotypes changed over time?

Our expectations of "what girls do" and "what boys do" have changed. Many female athletes excel at their sports. Girls increasingly pursue subjects traditionally thought of as "masculine." There are many famous male chefs, artists, and musicians―fields traditionally thought of as "feminine." Over time, society has recognized that stereotypes of "masculine" and "feminine" activities and behaviors are inaccurate and limiting to a child's development. Such interests also do not determine or influence one's gender identity. Furthermore, our ability to predict who a child is based on early preferences is not very accurate and may be harmful if it leads to shame or attempts at suppressing their skills, talents and genuine self.

Still, when a child's interests and abilities are different from what society expects, they may be subjected to discrimination and bullying. It is natural for parents to have gender-based expectations for their children and to want to protect them from criticism and exclusion. Instead of pushing children to conform to these pressures and to limit themselves, parents can play an important role in advocating for safe spaces where their children can feel comfortable and good about themselves.

If your child doesn't excel in sports or even have an interest in them, for example, there will still be many other opportunities and areas in which they can thrive. Regardless of gender identity, each child has their own strengths that may not always conform to society's or your own expectations, but they will still be a source of current and future success.

Remember

Gender development is a normal process for all children. Some children will exhibit variations―similar to all areas of human health and behavior. However, all children need support, love and care from family, school and society, which fosters growth into happy and healthy adults.

Additional Information & Resources:

Gender-Diverse & Transgender Children
Parenting a Gender-Diverse Child: Hard Questions Answered
Sex, Gender Identity & Puberty
How You Can Help Your Child Avoid & Address Bullying
Ensuring Comprehensive Care and Support for Transgender and Gender-Diverse Children and Adolescents (AAP Policy Statement)

About Dr. Rafferty

Jason Rafferty, MD, MPH, EdM, FAAP, is a "Triple Board" residency graduate who is pediatrician and child psychiatrist at Thundermist Health Centers, a Patient-Centered Medical Home in Rhode Island. He specializes in adolescent substance use disorders and gender and sexual development, and also practices in related specialty clinics at Hasbro Children's Hospital and Emma Pendleton Bradley Hospital. Dr. Rafferty is an advocate in his local community and on a national level through work with the American Academy of Pediatrics on issues including the emotional health of young men, access to care for LGBTQ youth, and prevention of childhood homelessness.

The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.

Gender-Diverse & Transgender Children - HealthyChildren.org

By: Jason RaffertyMD, MPH, EdM, FAAP

Some children have a gender identity that is different from their gender assigned at birth, and many have interests and hobbies that may align with the other gender.

Some children, as our policy statement explains, do not identify with either gender. They may feel like they are somewhere in between or have no gender. It is natural for parents to ask if it is "just a phase." But, there is no easy answer.

This article is also available in other languages. Click here to download.

Definitions

Gender diverse: An umbrella term to describe an ever-evolving array of labels people may apply when their gender identity, expression, or even perception does not conform to the norms and stereotypes others expect.
Gender identity: One's internal sense of who one is, based on an interaction of biological traits, developmental influences, and environmental conditions. This may be male, female, somewhere in between, a combination of both or neither. Self-recognition of gender identity develops over time, much the same way a child's physical body does.
Sexual orientation: One's sexual identity as it relates to who someone falls in love with or is attracted to. A person who is transgender still identifies as straight, gay, bisexual or something else. Like gender identity, an individual's physical and emotional attraction to a member of the same or the opposite sex cannot be changed and is very difficult to predict early in childhood.
Transgender: Usually used when gender diverse traits remain persistent, consistent, and insistent over time.

Accepting your child's gender-diverse identity

Research suggests that gender is something we are born with; it can't be changed by any interventions. It is critically important that children feel loved and accepted for who they are.

When disclosing their gender diverse identity, some kids might expect immediate acceptance and understanding. However, there is evidence that family members go through their own process of becoming more comfortable and understanding of a child's gender identity, thoughts and feelings. One model suggests the process resembles the stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance.

Just as gender diverse children do best when their feelings are explored and validated, some parents may need their own emotional supports. They may also have many questions along their child's journey.

What parents can do

When your child discloses their identity to you, respond in an affirming, supportive way. Understand that although gender identity is not able to be changed, it often is revealed over time as people discover more about themselves.
Accept and love your child as they are. Try to understand what they are feeling and experiencing. Even if there are disagreements, they will need your support and validation to develop into healthy teens and adults.
Stand up for your child when they are mistreated. Do not minimize the social pressure or bullying your child may be facing. See How You Can Help Your Child Avoid & Address Bullying.
Make it clear that slurs or jokes based on gender, gender identity or sexual orientation are not tolerated. Express your disapproval of these types of jokes or slurs when you encounter them in the community or media.
Be on the look out for danger signs that may indicate a need for mental health support, such as anxiety, insecurity, depression, low self-esteem and any emotional problems in your child and others who may not have a source of support otherwise.
Connect your child with LGBTQ organizations, resources and events. It is important for them to know they are not alone.
Celebrate diversity in all forms. Provide access to a variety of books, movies and materials—including those that positively represent gender diverse individuals. Point out LGBTQ celebrities and role models who stand up for the LGBTQ community, and people in general who demonstrate bravery in the face of social stigma.
Support your child's self-expression. Engage in conversations with them around their choices of clothing, jewelry, hairstyle, friends and room decorations.
Reach out for education, resources and support if you feel the need to deepen your own understanding of LGBTQ youth experiences. See Support Resources for Families of Gender Diverse Youth.

Gender affirmative care

Gender affirmative care is based on the belief that all children benefit from love and support. The goal of gender affirmative care is not treatment; it is to listen to a child and, with the help of parents and families, build understanding.

Pediatricians provide gender affirmative care by creating a safe environment in which complicated emotions, questions and concerns related to gender can be appreciated and explored. Gender affirmative care is most effective in a collaborative system with access to medical, mental health and social services, including specific resources for parents and families.

Mental health support for gender-diverse kids

Support or rejection ultimately has little influence on the gender identity of youth; however, it may strongly affect young person's ability to openly share or discuss concerns about their identity and feelings. Gender-diverse identities and expressions are not mental disorders, but suppressing gender concerns can harm a child's emotional health and development and possibly contribute to high rates of depression, anxiety and other mental health issues.

A large proportion of teenage suicide attempts are linked to issues of gender and sexuality, particularly feelings of rejection. Many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals unfortunately attempt suicide during their lifetime.

As a parent, even when you struggle to understand and may not see eye-to-eye, your most important role is to offer understanding, respect and unconditional love for your child. This builds trust and puts you in a better position to help them through difficult times. Research has shown that if a transgender teen has even just one supportive person their life, it greatly reduces their risk of suicide.

Transgender and gender-diverse children—like all children—need support, love and care from family, school and society. When supported and loved as they grow and develop, kids mature into happy and healthy adults. Pediatricians stand ready to assist in the healthy development of transgender and gender-diverse children.

How I Raised My Kids With Inclusiveness & Resilience in Mind

By Nancy Netherland

I have two teenagers. One identifies as 'non-binary'; and sometimes as 'I don't know'; uses the pronouns she/they/them; has a girlfriend and identifies their sexual orientation as queer. The other identifies as she/her and pansexual.

When I had children, I didn't know if they would be CIS-gendered, non-binary or trans, nor did I know what their sexual orientation would be. But my training as a therapist and the time I spent working in the early days of the AIDS pandemic had me well aware of elevated risk factors for children and young people who identify as LGBTQ+.

I knew that homophobia and transphobia could result in disturbing and dangerous outcomes. For example, I knew that nearly half of LGBTQ+ kids and young people seriously considered suicide in the past year, and that LGBTQ+ youth of color report higher rates of suicide attempts than their white peers.

But I also knew that LGBTQ+ youth who felt high social support from their family reported attempting suicide at less than half the rate of those who felt low or moderate social support.

So, knowing all this, I consciously tried to work resiliency and protective factors into how I parented from the time my kids were infants. Here are some guideposts that have served me well as a parent of non-gender conforming and queer children:

Ask, don't assume. Since family acceptance is such a huge factor in protecting the mental health and well-being of LGBTQ+ kids, I decided not to assume anything about my children's gender identity and sexual orientation. When my oldest child told me about their first crush in middle-school, I made sure to ask if the person was a girl, boy, trans or non-binary. I saw the relief on my child's face when I said "girl" and she said "that one." I ask my kids their preferred pronouns, as well as their permission before sharing their pronouns outside of our immediate family.
Seek positive role models. Our community and inner circle include people who identify as gay/queer, trans and non-binary. I also commit to finding developmentally appropriate ways to integrate LGBTQ+ literature, role models, film, cultural events and celebrations into our lives. My children and I have joined Pride parades in support of my sibling who is non-binary and queer. Our family's social media feeds include LGBTQ+ influencers, and we stream and watch shows together featuring queer and trans youth and their families.
Prioritize inclusion. I consciously use language and, when the kids were young, found stories that were inclusive: mommies who married mommies, kids born girls who realized they were really boys, and people who were both male and female. Our bookshelves include graphic novels and books detailing the contributions of LGBTQ+ people across the globe and history. If a form only has two genders on it – I change the form.
Enlist the support of trusted adults. I have made it a point to ensure my children's medical providers and other trusted adults are inclusive and familiar with serving LGBTQ+ youth. My oldest child has a therapist who specializes in working with youth who are not CIS-gendered and identify as LGBTQ+. Our refrigerator has a list of youth help lines and mental health programs that my kids can call if needed. On that list are a bunch of LGBTQ+ organization and resources.
Ask for help. I make mistakes (still working on not misgendering) and I have a lot to learn. So, I call upon friends and family who grew up queer and non-gender conforming to support my children and my parenting. I have also reached out to our pediatricians for mental health and wellness resources. I look for and use online resources specifically for parents of LGBTQ+ kids.

I know that I cannot protect my children from the discrimination that is directed towards them and all people who are LGBTQ+, but I can make sure they feel accepted and seen in our home, and that they are connected with as many resources as possible to help them navigate health futures.

Nancy Netherland is a mother and advocate for her two daughters, both former foster children born, and living, with chronic medical complexities. Nancy serves advisory panels for the State of California's Medicaid Children's Health Advisory Panel , the UCSF Children & Adolescent Psychiatry Portal , the California Advancing and Innovating Medi-Cal Workgroup for Foster Youth and Families, and the family advisory councils at UCSF Benioff Children's Hospital San Francisco and Oakland. Nancy founded Kids and Caregivers, a nonprofit supporting caregivers of children living with chronic and complex illnesses . She is also Director of Parent Engagement for the California Children's Trust.

When to get help

If your child is struggling with symptoms of depression, anxiety, isolation or other emotional concerns, they may need to see a mental health professional who can offer additional support. If your child mentions any suicidal thinking, bring it to the attention of your pediatrician or mental health professional right away.

Ask your pediatrician if a telehealth visit by phone or video call is an option. Your child may feel more comfortable talking to their doctor from home. For teens, the telehealth visit should take place in as private of a place as possible so they can have a one-on-one conversation with the doctor. You can make a plan with the doctor about talking before or after they talk to your teen privately. If it's a video call, and your child or teen would prefer to have the camera off, they can ask their doctor if that is okay. Telehealth visits can also be used for follow-up visits to check on your child's progress.

Talk with your pediatrician early & often

Children as young as preschool-age may start having difficult feelings and concerns about their bodies, feelings and relationships. It is important to recognize that cross-gender preferences and play is a normal part of exploring gender and relationships for children regardless of their future gender identity. Routine conversations about gender creates an environment of support and reassurance so that children feel safe bringing up questions and concerns. It is also good practice for continuing these discussions at home.

The best approach, for parents or pediatricians, is to nonjudgmentally ask questions that allow the child to talk about their experience and feelings before applying any labels or assumptions. For more information or help finding a support group for yourself or your child, please talk with your pediatrician.

More information

Parenting a Gender-Diverse Child: Hard Questions Answered
Support Resources for Families of Gender-Diverse Youth
Gender Identity Development in Children
Sex, Gender Identity & Puberty
How You Can Help Your Child Avoid & Address Bullying
Ensuring Comprehensive Care and Support for Transgender and Gender-Diverse Children and Adolescents (AAP Policy Statement)

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About Dr. Rafferty:

Jason Rafferty, MD, MPH, EdM, FAAP, is a "Triple Board" residency graduate who is pediatrician and child psychiatrist at Thundermist Health Centers, a Patient-Centered Medical Home in Rhode Island. Dr. Rafferty specializes in adolescent substance use disorders and gender and sexual development, and also practices in related specialty clinics at Hasbro Children's Hospital and Emma Pendleton Bradley Hospital. Dr. Rafferty is an advocate in his local community and on a national level through work with the American Academy of Pediatrics on issues including the emotional health of young men, access to care for LGBTQ youth, and prevention of childhood homelessness.

Romir/GlobalNR: children's gender roles

As part of a global study, Romir and the international community of research companies GlobalNR studied the opinion* of residents of leading countries on a number of key topics of society.

To what extent do the inhabitants of the Earth agree with the statement "Traditional gender roles for boys and girls are best suited for society":

Globally, almost half (47%) of the population agree with the statement.
China is the leader among countries in terms of the consent index: the vast majority of respondents (82%) agreed with this opinion.
The fewest who agree with the statement are in Korea (16%) and Germany (24%).
71% of Russians agree to some extent that traditional gender roles for boys and girls are best suited to society.
- Women more often than men agreed with this opinion (73% vs. 68%).
- 77% of married Russians and 61% of singles agreed with this opinion.
- 67% of Russians without children and 79% of Russians with children agreed with this opinion.
- 76% of Russians with higher education (and above) and 63% of Russians without higher education agreed with this opinion.

Data source: Romir / GlobalNR December 2020

“We are witnessing that rare case when Russians are knocked out of the image of an average earthling and show their unwillingness to compromise or a fundamentally orthodox position / It is significant that our neighbors in the top three are China and India, which are also centers of civilization based on traditions, basic values and conservative views,” commented on the results of the study0004 .

* The Romir/GlobalNR study was conducted in 2020 in Brazil, UK, Germany, India, Italy, Russia, USA, Thailand, South Korea. In total, more than 7,100 respondents representing different socio-demographic groups were interviewed. In Russia, 800 respondents were surveyed. Survey method: online on the Romir Scan Panel households, 40,000 Russians, 15,000 households in 220 cities with a population of 10,000 or more, representing the purchasing and consumer behavior of residents of Russian cities.

Romir Press Service
Tel.: +7 (495) 011-00-07; +7 (925) 242-62-51
E-mail: [email protected]

Romir specializes in marketing, media and socio-economic research since 1987. Part of Mile Group .

A reference to "Romir" and an indication of the study are required. Textual, analytical and visual information is the intellectual property of Romir and its providers. Romir is not responsible for actions taken on the basis of this publication.

"Time and children": gender differences, the roles of men and women.

A man is a hunter, a woman is a keeper of the hearth. Dad makes and builds, mom cooks and cleans. For a very long time in our country there were just such ideas about the role of men and women, about the division of labor.

In the Soviet Union, women worked equally with men in factories, built roads and houses. It was then that the image of a “super woman” began to emerge, which carries a double burden. She is a leader in production, her household is in excellent order. What now? As it is customary to joke about the model of a happy family: “Dad works, mom is beautiful!”. But most importantly, children learn by example and often copy their parents. What are the roles of men and women in the modern world? And what are the roles of parents in raising children?

— Most often, sex and gender are considered synonymous, — Pavel Khilko begins. - But, if you look deeper, look into the history of words, these are two different things. Gender is just a set of physical features that help distinguish a male from a female. And gender is just a set of characteristics that a culture ascribes to different sexes. This is a model of behavior that society expects from a man or from a woman. In this regard, the concept of gender role has also developed. The concept began to actively develop somewhere from the 80s of the last century. It was introduced by scientists who were just studying the behavior of men and women in the family and in society. Moreover, gender behavior has spread not only to the roles of men and women in the family, but also to social behavior. The most rude example of the Motherland. We attribute feminine characteristics to our country.

Gender roles have changed over time. Previously, a man was a breadwinner, a breadwinner. Heavy professions were associated more with men than with women. In the Soviet Union, women worked almost on an equal footing with men, after the war there were few of them left, so women had to work on an equal footing with men in factories, combine operators, and manage state farms. The external environment, situations in life change roles and change behavior. Nevertheless, in the family circle, it was accepted that a woman stands at the stove, raises children, a man does hard work, repairs and goes fishing. In such models, women's hobbies are not visible. What is happening now? The Scandinavian countries are a prime example. There, men quite often stay with the child on maternity leave, run the household. Let's just not involve here such a thing as equality. It should be and has nothing to do with gender roles.

— I think this trend is typical not only for the Scandinavian countries, — Artem Fedorov enters the conversation. — Our way of life, interaction in society, our culture are changing. For example, various techniques appear that shift roles. The technique allows you to wash and cook for a man without difficulty. Exaggerated, but any member of the family can press the button. There is no longer such a division that one member of the family could not do what another does. Thus, this division gradually disappears, the boundaries, so to speak, are washed away.

- Everyone is born with some kind of interest, talent, "stretches" for something, - picks up Pavel Khilko. - For example, if a woman is interested in dealing with microcircuits or she turns bolts smartly, then there is no need to "put everyone on the stove" without exception. Now, if dad cooks porridge for children in the morning, takes them to school, teaches lessons with them, this does not mean that he is “henpecked”, but it means that care and love reign in the family!

Now it is very important for a child to understand his body, his emotions, his feelings, his resources, to understand his physiology in order to live in harmony with himself. This is not taught in school. There are no special institutions. It is created in the family. The child often imitates the parents. He reads the roles of parents, forms a picture of life, - continues Artem Fedorov. - For example, if a boy wanted to congratulate a girl on February 14, then the situation would be amazing when dad and child go for flowers and a gift. It doesn’t matter if the dad is brutal or romantic. The child will feel supported and confident.

The Time and Children program on Pilot Radio is going on vacation.