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Coping with pregnancy loss


SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA

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  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

  • Suggested Resources

    What Is Substance Abuse Treatment? A Booklet for Families
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    It's Not Your Fault (NACoA) (PDF | 12 KB)
    Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, "It's not your fault!" and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list.

    After an Attempt: A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
    Aids family members in coping with the aftermath of a relative's suicide attempt. Describes the emergency department treatment process, lists questions to ask about follow-up treatment, and describes how to reduce risk and ensure safety at home.

    Family Therapy Can Help: For People in Recovery From Mental Illness or Addiction
    Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse. Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.

    For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.

Last Updated: 08/30/2022

Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs

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Misusing alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs can have both immediate and long-term health effects.

The misuse and abuse of alcohol, tobacco, illicit drugs, and prescription medications affect the health and well-being of millions of Americans. NSDUH estimates allow researchers, clinicians, policymakers, and the general public to better understand and improve the nation’s behavioral health. These reports and detailed tables present estimates from the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH).

Alcohol

Data:

  • Among the 133.1 million current alcohol users aged 12 or older in 2021, 60.0 million people (or 45.1%) were past month binge drinkers. The percentage of people who were past month binge drinkers was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (29.2% or 9.8 million people), followed by adults aged 26 or older (22.4% or 49.3 million people), then by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (3.8% or 995,000 people). (2021 NSDUH)
  • Among people aged 12 to 20 in 2021, 15.1% (or 5.9 million people) were past month alcohol users. Estimates of binge alcohol use and heavy alcohol use in the past month among underage people were 8.3% (or 3.2 million people) and 1.6% (or 613,000 people), respectively. (2021 NSDUH)
  • In 2020, 50.0% of people aged 12 or older (or 138.5 million people) used alcohol in the past month (i.e., current alcohol users) (2020 NSDUH)
  • Among the 138.5 million people who were current alcohol users, 61.6 million people (or 44.4%) were classified as binge drinkers and 17.7 million people (28.8% of current binge drinkers and 12.8% of current alcohol users) were classified as heavy drinkers (2020 NSDUH)
  • The percentage of people who were past month binge alcohol users was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (31. 4%) compared with 22.9% of adults aged 26 or older and 4.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
  • Excessive alcohol use can increase a person’s risk of stroke, liver cirrhosis, alcoholic hepatitis, cancer, and other serious health conditions
  • Excessive alcohol use can also lead to risk-taking behavior, including driving while impaired. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that 29 people in the United States die in motor vehicle crashes that involve an alcohol-impaired driver daily

Programs/Initiatives:

  • STOP Underage Drinking interagency portal - Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
  • Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
  • Talk. They Hear You.
  • Underage Drinking: Myths vs. Facts
  • Talking with your College-Bound Young Adult About Alcohol

Relevant links:

  • National Association of State Alcohol and Drug Abuse Directors
  • Department of Transportation Office of Drug & Alcohol Policy & Compliance
  • Alcohol Policy Information Systems Database (APIS)
  • National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism

Tobacco

Data:

  • In 2020, 20. 7% of people aged 12 or older (or 57.3 million people) used nicotine products (i.e., used tobacco products or vaped nicotine) in the past month (2020 NSDUH)
  • Among past month users of nicotine products, nearly two thirds of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (63.1%) vaped nicotine but did not use tobacco products. In contrast, 88.9% of past month nicotine product users aged 26 or older used only tobacco products (2020 NSDUH)
  • Tobacco use is the leading cause of preventable death, often leading to lung cancer, respiratory disorders, heart disease, stroke, and other serious illnesses. The CDC reports that cigarette smoking causes more than 480,000 deaths each year in the United States
  • The CDC’s Office on Smoking and Health reports that more than 16 million Americans are living with a disease caused by smoking cigarettes

Electronic cigarette (e-cigarette) use data:

  • In 2021, 13.2 million people aged 12 or older (or 4.7%) used an e-cigarette or other vaping device to vape nicotine in the past month. The percentage of people who vaped nicotine was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (14.1% or 4.7 million people), followed by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (5.2% or 1.4 million people), then by adults aged 26 or older (3.2% or 7.1 million people).
  • Among people aged 12 to 20 in 2021, 11.0% (or 4.3 million people) used tobacco products or used an e-cigarette or other vaping device to vape nicotine in the past month. Among people in this age group, 8.1% (or 3.1 million people) vaped nicotine, 5.4% (or 2.1 million people) used tobacco products, and 3.4% (or 1.3 million people) smoked cigarettes in the past month. (2021 NSDUH)
  • Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2020 National Youth Tobacco Survey. Among both middle and high school students, current use of e-cigarettes declined from 2019 to 2020, reversing previous trends and returning current e-cigarette use to levels similar to those observed in 2018
  • E-cigarettes are not safe for youth, young adults, or pregnant women, especially because they contain nicotine and other chemicals

Resources:

  • Tips for Teens: Tobacco
  • Tips for Teens: E-cigarettes
  • Implementing Tobacco Cessation Programs in Substance Use Disorder Treatment Settings
  • Synar Amendment Program

Links:

  • Truth Initiative
  • FDA Center for Tobacco Products
  • CDC Office on Smoking and Health
  • National Institute on Drug Abuse: Tobacco, Nicotine, and E-Cigarettes
  • National Institute on Drug Abuse: E-Cigarettes

Opioids

Data:

  • Among people aged 12 or older in 2021, 3. 3% (or 9.2 million people) misused opioids (heroin or prescription pain relievers) in the past year. Among the 9.2 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 8.7 million people misused prescription pain relievers compared with 1.1 million people who used heroin. These numbers include 574,000 people who both misused prescription pain relievers and used heroin in the past year. (2021 NSDUH)
  • Among people aged 12 or older in 2020, 3.4% (or 9.5 million people) misused opioids in the past year. Among the 9.5 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 9.3 million people misused prescription pain relievers and 902,000 people used heroin (2020 NSDUH)
  • According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Understanding the Epidemic, an average of 128 Americans die every day from an opioid overdose

Resources:

  • Medication-Assisted Treatment
  • Opioid Overdose Prevention Toolkit
  • TIP 63: Medications for Opioid Use Disorder
  • Use of Medication-Assisted Treatment for Opioid Use Disorder in Criminal Justice Settings
  • Opioid Use Disorder and Pregnancy
  • Clinical Guidance for Treating Pregnant and Parenting Women With Opioid Use Disorder and Their Infants
  • The Facts about Buprenorphine for Treatment of Opioid Addiction
  • Pregnancy Planning for Women Being Treated for Opioid Use Disorder
  • Tips for Teens: Opioids
  • Rural Opioid Technical Assistance Grants
  • Tribal Opioid Response Grants
  • Provider’s Clinical Support System - Medication Assisted Treatment Grant Program

Links:

  • National Institute on Drug Abuse: Opioids
  • National Institute on Drug Abuse: Heroin
  • HHS Prevent Opioid Abuse
  • Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America
  • Addiction Technology Transfer Center (ATTC) Network
  • Prevention Technology Transfer Center (PTTC) Network

Marijuana

Data:

  • In 2021, marijuana was the most commonly used illicit drug, with 18. 7% of people aged 12 or older (or 52.5 million people) using it in the past year. The percentage was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (35.4% or 11.8 million people), followed by adults aged 26 or older (17.2% or 37.9 million people), then by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (10.5% or 2.7 million people).
  • The percentage of people who used marijuana in the past year was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (34.5%) compared with 16.3% of adults aged 26 or older and 10.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
  • Marijuana can impair judgment and distort perception in the short term and can lead to memory impairment in the long term
  • Marijuana can have significant health effects on youth and pregnant women.

Resources:

  • Know the Risks of Marijuana
  • Marijuana and Pregnancy
  • Tips for Teens: Marijuana

Relevant links:

  • National Institute on Drug Abuse: Marijuana
  • Addiction Technology Transfer Centers on Marijuana
  • CDC Marijuana and Public Health

Emerging Trends in Substance Misuse:

  • Methamphetamine—In 2019, NSDUH data show that approximately 2 million people used methamphetamine in the past year. Approximately 1 million people had a methamphetamine use disorder, which was higher than the percentage in 2016, but similar to the percentages in 2015 and 2018. The National Institute on Drug Abuse Data shows that overdose death rates involving methamphetamine have quadrupled from 2011 to 2017. Frequent meth use is associated with mood disturbances, hallucinations, and paranoia.
  • Cocaine—In 2019, NSDUH data show an estimated 5.5 million people aged 12 or older were past users of cocaine, including about 778,000 users of crack. The CDC reports that overdose deaths involving have increased by one-third from 2016 to 2017. In the short term, cocaine use can result in increased blood pressure, restlessness, and irritability. In the long term, severe medical complications of cocaine use include heart attacks, seizures, and abdominal pain.
  • Kratom—In 2019, NSDUH data show that about 825,000 people had used Kratom in the past month. Kratom is a tropical plant that grows naturally in Southeast Asia with leaves that can have psychotropic effects by affecting opioid brain receptors. It is currently unregulated and has risk of abuse and dependence. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that health effects of Kratom can include nausea, itching, seizures, and hallucinations.

Resources:

  • Tips for Teens: Methamphetamine
  • Tips for Teens: Cocaine
  • National Institute on Drug Abuse

More SAMHSA publications on substance use prevention and treatment.

Last Updated: 01/05/2023

Why is it so important for us to talk about the loss of a child

Why is it so important for us to talk about the loss of a child?
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    • Why is it so important for us to talk about the loss of a child

    Why is it important for us to talk about the loss of a child

    WHO/M. Purdie

    © A photo

    The loss of a child during pregnancy due to miscarriage or stillbirth is still a taboo topic around the world, which is associated with condemnation or a sense of shame. Many women who lose a child during pregnancy or childbirth continue to receive neither the proper care nor the respect they deserve. nine0291 In this material we want to share stories told by women from different countries.

    Miscarriage is the most common cause of pregnancy loss. Estimates of the prevalence of this phenomenon vary somewhat, although according to the March of Dimes Foundation, an organization dedicated to maternal and child health, the prevalence of miscarriage in women who knew they were pregnant is 10-15%. Different countries around the world use different definitions of pregnancy loss, but as a rule, the death of a child before 28 weeks of gestation is considered a miscarriage, and death at or after 28 completed gestational weeks is considered a stillbirth. There are 2.6 million stillborn babies born each year, and many of these deaths could have been prevented. However, even in developed countries, miscarriages and stillbirths are not systematically recorded, so the actual figures may be even higher. nine0283

    Worldwide, women's access to health services varies by country of residence, with hospitals and outpatient facilities very often under-resourced and understaffed in many countries. As varied as the experience of bereaved women, stigma, guilt and shame are common themes around the world. Women who have lost their children have shared personal experiences that they felt they had to keep their grief quiet, either because miscarriages or stillbirths remain common or because people perceive them as inevitable. nine0283

    Jessica Zucker, Clinical Psychologist and Writer, USA

    “I am a clinical psychologist specializing in mental health issues related to reproduction and motherhood. I have been doing this for over ten years. But when I myself had a miscarriage at 16 weeks, only then could I truly feel that heartache, that re-experienced feeling of grief and loss that my patients have been telling me about for so many years.

    Jessica's story

    All this has an extremely hard effect on women. Many women who lose a child during pregnancy may develop mental health problems that last for months or years, even if they later have healthy children.

    Cultural and social views on the loss of a child in different parts of the world can be very different from each other. Thus, in sub-Saharan Africa, the prevailing opinion is that a baby can be born dead because of witchcraft or the machinations of evil spirits. nine0149

    Larai, 44, pharmacist, Nigeria

    “I took everything that happened after my miscarriage very hard. This was greatly facilitated by the medical workers themselves, despite the fact that I am also a doctor. Another issue is cultural representations. Here, the loss of a child brings shame to the woman, because there is a perception that if a woman has lost a child several times, something is wrong with her, and that she may have had extramarital affairs, and the loss of a child in that case, God's punishment. nine0283

    Larai's story

    There are many possible causes for miscarriages or stillbirths, including fetal abnormalities, maternal age, and infections, many of which (such as malaria and syphilis) are preventable, although identifying the exact cause is often difficult.

    General recommendations for preventing miscarriage include a healthy diet, physical activity, avoiding smoking, drug and alcohol use, limiting caffeine intake, managing stress, and maintaining a normal body weight. This approach focuses on lifestyle factors, and in the absence of specific explanations for what happened, this can lead to women feeling guilty that it was their behavior that caused the miscarriage. nine0283

    Lisa, 40, Marketing Manager, UK

    “I've had four miscarriages. Every time this happens, a part of you dies. The first time was the hardest. It was my very first pregnancy. We were so happy that we will soon have a baby. But when we went to our local hospital in the southeast of England at week 12 for a routine ultrasound, I was told that I had a miscarriage, or miscarriage, which meant that my baby had died long ago, although I did not feel no signs. " nine0283

    Lisa's story

    As with some other medical topics, such as mental health, which remain a huge taboo, many women report that, regardless of their cultural background, education and upbringing, their friends and families don't want to talk about their loss. Apparently, this is due to the general tradition to surround any grief with a veil of silence.

    Susan, 34, writer, USA

    “My infertility battle has been going on for almost five years now. After I decided to try IVF, I actually managed to get pregnant, but after a few weeks the baby stopped growing. It took doctors two and a half weeks to confirm this. It took another two weeks before I had a miscarriage that lasted 19days. I could not imagine that it could be so painful, for so long and with such heavy bleeding.

    Susan's story

    Stillbirths occur later in pregnancy, namely after 28 gestational weeks, as defined by the WHO. About 98% of stillbirths occur in low- and middle-income countries. Lack of proper care and supervision during labor results in one in two stillbirths occurring during delivery, many of which could have been prevented with quality care and proper supervision of the woman in labour. nine0283

    Better care during pregnancy and childbirth could prevent more than half a million stillbirths globally. Even in high-income countries, non-compliance with standards of care is an important cause of stillbirths.

    There are clear ways to reduce the number of children who die during pregnancy, namely: improving access to antenatal care (in some parts of the world, women do not see a health worker until they are several months pregnant), introducing continuous care models, provided by midwives, as well as community care where possible. Integrating infection management during pregnancy, fetal heart rate monitoring and birth monitoring into a comprehensive care package could save 1.3 million lives of otherwise stillborn babies. nine0283

    Emilia, 36, shopkeeper, Colombia

    “When my baby was stillborn at 32 weeks, we already gave him a name. The doctor referred me for an ultrasound examination, during which he told me that the child was not showing signs of life. I knew right away that my baby was dead. I know this could have been avoided. If from the very beginning I had been told everything about my condition in more detail, if the doctors had treated me more attentively during the critical periods of my pregnancy, my child could have been saved. nine0283

    Emilia's story

    Attitude towards women during pregnancy is related to the extent to which their sexual and reproductive rights are generally realized; many women around the world do not have the ability to make autonomous decisions in this area.

    In many parts of the world, the pressure of public opinion is forcing women to become pregnant when they are not yet physically or psychologically ready for it. Even in 2019, 200 million women who want to avoid pregnancy do not have access to modern methods of contraception. And when pregnancy does occur, 30 million women are forced to give birth outside of health facilities, and 45 million women do not receive adequate antenatal care or no antenatal care at all, greatly increasing the risk of complications and death for both the mother and the mother. child. nine0283

    Cultural practices, such as ritual female genital mutilation and child marriage, cause great harm to girls' sexual and reproductive health and the health of their children. Having children at a young age can be dangerous for both mother and child. Adolescent girls (aged 10–19 years) are significantly more likely to have eclampsia or intrauterine infections than women aged 20–24 years, increasing the risk of stillbirth in this age group. In addition, babies born to women younger than 20 are more likely to have low birth weight, prematurity, or severe health problems in the first month of life, which also increases the risk of stillbirth. nine0283

    Female genital mutilation increases a woman's risk of protracted or difficult labour, bleeding, severe tears and increases the frequency of instrumental use in childbirth. At the same time, children of such mothers are much more likely to need resuscitation during childbirth and increase the risk of death during childbirth or after birth.

    Putting women at the center of care is critical to creating a positive pregnancy experience—the biomedical and physiological aspects of health services need to be complemented by social, cultural, emotional and psychological support. nine0283

    However, many women, even those living in developed countries with access to the best health care systems, do not receive adequate care after the loss of a child. Even the language used by medical professionals in relation to miscarriage and stillbirth can be traumatic in itself: the use of terms such as "cervical failure" or "dead gestational sac" can be painful.

    Andrea, 28, stylist and singer, Colombia

    “When I was 12 weeks pregnant, I went to the doctor's office and had an ultrasound. The doctor told me that I was not doing well, but did not specify what exactly was wrong. The next day, when I woke up, I noticed blood stains on the sheets. I didn't get any information about why I had a miscarriage. My doctor was very kind to me, but he didn't explain anything to me. But the nurses were completely indifferent and unfriendly and behaved as if I had undergone an ordinary medical procedure, and nothing more. No one gave me any support." nine0283

    Depending on the rules of the particular medical facility, stillborn bodies may be treated as clinical waste and may be incinerated. It happens that when a woman learns that her child has died, she is forced to continue to carry the dead baby for several weeks before she can give birth. Even if this delay may be clinically justified, this situation is excruciating for both the woman and her partner. Even in developed countries, women may be forced to give birth to their dead babies in maternity wards, surrounded by women who have healthy children, which is very difficult from a psychological point of view and reminds the woman of her loss. nine0283

    Not all inpatient or outpatient facilities can adopt a new care strategy or provide more services. This is the reality that reflects the overload of health systems. And yet, there is no additional cost to be more sensitive in dealing with bereaved couples and to remove the taboo and stigma around talking about the loss of a child. This is evidenced by some of the stories told here.

    Medical staff are fully capable of being sensitive and compassionate, recognizing the depth of the parents' feelings, providing clear information about the situation, and understanding that parents may need special support, both in relation to the loss of a child and in relation to the possible desire for more children. . Providing competent maternal and newborn health care and meeting the requirements for clinical competence in general requires that this care be provided from a human rights perspective, respectfully, protecting the dignity of patients and taking into account their socio-cultural characteristics. nine0283

    Learn more about the work of WHO

    Learn more about the work of WHO in collaboration with partner organizations

    The story of a woman who lost a child at a later date and learned to live with it

    Olga Kuznetsova with her husband
    Photo: provided by the heroine of the publication

    In May 2018, the life of a young confectioner Olga was divided into "before" and "after" - at a later date she lost her child, whom she carried under her heart. Everything happened too suddenly: bad tests, hospitalization, surgery, and then a long process of getting used to the fact that life will never be the same again. nine0283

    Telling a girl about what happened is still not easy. And in general, society perceives the topic of perinatal loss with hostility, pretending that it does not exist. But, no matter how difficult it is, it's time to talk about it. We decided to talk to you about it today. And they asked Olga to tell her story.

    Olga Kuznetsova, 30 years old:

    — I got pregnant before the New Year 2018, and it so happened that I didn’t get to the doctor right away. I met the New Year in high spirits, I was glad that I would become a mother, that we would have a lyalka. On long holidays, we went to visit relatives by train, and upon arrival I was placed in a hospital for preservation. But then everything went well, there were no complaints from the doctors, I did everything they said: I went to the cardiologist, endocrinologist, took medications and went through all the examinations. Doctors praised me for gaining relatively little weight during pregnancy, in general, I did not suspect that something could go wrong. nine0283

    At the next appointment, already at a rather late date, I take another test, and on the same day they call from the hospital and say: take it again. I passed, I was sent to a urologist. After the results of the tests, they called me from the hospital and said that I needed to go to the hospital urgently. They took blood, and it turned out that my kidneys and liver were seriously inflamed, although I had never been ill with anything that could affect this. They found a greatly increased protein: imagine if with a protein of 1.5 they are put in the hospital, and at first I had 5, but by the time I got to the hospital, while they took repeated tests, it turned out that he was already 10! nine0283

    When I had an ultrasound, it turned out that the baby is very small - at the 27th week of pregnancy, she weighs only 370 grams, and should weigh more than a kilogram. Then I already realized that nothing would happen, although I begged the doctors to try to do something, but there was no point in this. I was shown an operation.

    The operation was carried out in the perinatal center, I was allocated a separate room so that I would not lie with the girls who bring their children, and for this I am very grateful. On May 28 at 6 pm I was operated on. In the hospital, I was very lucky with the doctors. At that time, I didn’t know who we would have, a boy or a girl. Before the operation, I was given an injection in the spine, epidural anesthesia, I was conscious. There was silence in the operating room, the surgeon only occasionally talking quietly to the assistant and nurses. When the operation was almost over, I asked the doctors to at least tell me who it was. It was a girl. nine0283

    And then the surgical assistant asked me if I wanted to see my daughter. I fell into a stupor, not knowing if I needed it. Then the doctor said: "Show me, then she will need it. "

    They showed me a baby, and she was tiny, like a doll. She weighed only 370 grams, but it was already clear that she had a nose like her husband. I imagined her as an adult, like him. But I knew it was something that would never happen.

    After the operation, the doctor of the children's department came to me, tried to calm me down, said: it happens. Then a psychologist came to me, who supported me very much. She honestly asked: do you want me to talk to you? This is very important, because in our society they are not very good at supporting people. There was an unpleasant situation with my mother, who called me with her niece, and they sang songs on the phone. They sing songs for my child, and she is already in the morgue. Then I pulled away from her and intelligibly explained that it was not necessary to do this. nine0283

    At times in the hospital it was very difficult for me. Yes, I did not lie in the ward with women in labor - later I was transferred to another girl, whose child was in intensive care. But I ran into them in the hallway, and once there was a situation that completely unsettled me. I came to take my blood pressure, and other girls were standing in line for an injection, and one of the girls asked me to look after her child. I refused her.

    — Is it difficult for you, I'm literally just a minute, — she said. nine0283

    “I won't babysit your baby,” I tell her. “I’m burying mine, but will I look after yours?” Are you out of your mind? Don't you see what?

    And everyone who gave birth had tags on their hands. Everyone except me. After that, already in the ward, I was pounding so much, I had to give an injection to calm me down.

    There was another case when I could not get through to my husband. I was covered with a panic attack and a feeling of worthlessness that

    I can not protect anyone - neither myself nor those around me. nine0283

    My husband took care of the baby's funeral while I was in the hospital. He took her to his village, to his homeland, and buried her next to her great-grandmother and great-grandfather. It was easier and more comfortable for me, there she is always under supervision. I think it would be hard for me if she was here. My husband picked me up from the hospital after the funeral. It was exactly 9 days. Later we came up with a name for her - Katya. Kitty.

    After I was discharged, I came to the antenatal clinic, where they were very indifferent to what happened to me. They languidly tried to accuse me of not noticing this, but basically they sorted it out among themselves - it's not normal that the pregnancy was terminated at such a late date. I didn’t want to find out who was to blame - I didn’t have the moral strength for this, and the child could not be returned. nine0283

    I realized that the most important thing is not to hide your feelings. If you want to cry, cry. I know what loss is, I lost my father at 17, so I know that this pain never goes away. I cried at night, my husband supported me very much, for the first two months we slept with him tightly in an embrace, so it was easier for me. And that was the best support he could give me. In general, I must say that my husband was very supportive of me.

    It was also hard because I got pregnant at about the same time as my sister-in-law. When she gave birth, I was covered with a wave of experiences. I was supported by my friend, who long before me lost her child - she understood me like no one else, and when all this happened to me, she was pregnant with her second child, but she was still very supportive, although I asked her not to worry too much so that everything went well for her. I remember: on the day when I was admitted to the hospital, I called her and we sobbed to each other into the phone for at least 15 minutes. nine0283

    The experience grew and grew, I thought that I had begun to recover, but it didn't get any easier. It felt like you were very tired on Friday after a working week. And it was scary that all these feelings would never go away, that it would not be better. I thought I could handle myself.

    Almost immediately after the loss of my daughter, I found out about the Light in Hands Foundation, but decided to start by studying the site and watching the webinar. I watched an hour-long webinar from a psychologist for three weeks: I stopped the video and cried. For the first time, I signed up for the fund's support group only six months later. There were other girls who also lost a child. I was able to tell my story, I cried, but, surprisingly, I felt better. And I realized how important it is to share these emotions. How important it is to go through them together, to help someone who is also in this difficult situation. The support group helped me understand how to talk with my partner and with my environment, to let them know that they might say something superfluous. I met the new year with the feeling that everything will be better. nine0283

    The second difficult moment was the anniversary, May 28th. My operation fell out just on those days when everything around began to bloom, leaves blossomed, mothers walked around - pregnant or with children, and I walked, because the doctor said so, so that there were no adhesions. And so you go, the whole world around rejoices, and you feel so bad that you don’t want anything. And a year later, this feeling began to return, I got worse again, so I came to the support group for the second time. And this time I felt relieved also because I could already support other participants. nine0283

    At first I wanted to get pregnant right away: I thought it would be easier, that it would be a continuation of that pregnancy, as if it would help me carry and give birth to the same child. But no, you need to be prepared for this. And realize that it will be scary, but you can deal with it.

    I don't like that in such situations you are faced with the devaluation of your problem. People treat it like this: well, lost and lost. But what is it - to brush the dirt off the boot? No. You need to survive your pain, accept it, by and large, you need to learn how to live again. nine0283

    Psychologists working in a support group. They were carefully selected, since not everyone can work with women in situations of acute grief
    Photo: courtesy of Natalia Gorlova and Svetlana Chursina

    The Light in Hands Foundation is the first foundation in Russia that deals with the prevention of infant mortality, is part of the international community and helps parents cope with the loss of a child during pregnancy, childbirth or shortly after them, and also trains health workers on how to interact with patients in a situation of perinatal loss. nine0283

    In Krasnoyarsk, three psychologists provide support within the framework of the Light in Hands Foundation - one provides individual consultations, the other two provide group consultations.

    According to existential psychologist Natalya Gorlova, support groups have been operating in Krasnoyarsk since December 2017.

    But the main activity, of course, is aimed at working with parents. A support group is usually attended by 6-8 people, but more is not needed, psychologists assure. Experts emphasize that the support group is not suitable for everyone, so it is very important that those who find themselves in a difficult situation really understand that they need it. In addition, the Fund's psychologists can be consulted online, individually and even by correspondence. All this, of course, for free. nine0283

    The Light in Hands Foundation helps not only parents who have lost a child, but also grandmothers, and even just friends and colleagues, so that they can communicate correctly and find the right words for those who find themselves in such a difficult life situation.

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