How to win back the mother of your child

11 Tips on How to Get Back With the Mother of Your Child

Here are 11 of the best tips to help you get back with the mother of your child:

1. Don’t initially make it about the child in any way

If you use the child as the main reason to get back together (e.g. you say “Think of how this will affect our child in future”), she will see it as manipulation.

Women don’t want to feel like they are being manipulated into staying in a relationship with a man.

So, what you need to remember is that the romantic relationship between a man and a woman is different from the relationship they have as parents of the child(ren).

A romantic relationship between a man and a woman is based on mutual sexual attraction, respect and romantic love.

In terms of the woman, it’s about how the man makes her feel when she is with him (e.g. excited, attracted, feminine, girly, in love, respectful of him).

That is separate from the relationship they have as parents of a child (i. e. being caring, looking out for the child, sharing responsibilities, providing for the child).

In most cases, a woman can still care, nurture and provide for her child without needing to have a man living with her, or in a committed relationship with her.

It won’t be ideal, but she can do it.

So, make sure to avoid trying to convince her to get back with you for the child’s sake.

She will want to get back with you, if you are able to awaken her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction.

So, don’t act like just a friend now (i.e. neutral, nice, no flirting), or behave like an unattractive man (e.g. insecure, giving her too much power, being overly soft with her).

Behave as though you are attracting her and picking her up for the first time (i.e. flirt with her, be manly, be assertive in a loving way, use playfully challenging humor, be charismatic).

Don’t try to push for a relationship, or to get the family back together at the moment.

Just re-attract her and she will naturally want to get back with you.

2. Understand the subtle things about your interaction style with her that need to change

Over the years, you have likely developed a habit of talking and interacting with her in a certain way.

Some parts of your interaction style will be appealing to her, whereas other parts won’t.

So, to re-attract her, you will need to make some adjustments to come across in a more attractive and appealing way overall.

For example: Here are some unattractive interaction styles that cause women to feel turned off by an ex…

• Being way too nice or generous and seeming to want pity, or a pat on the back for it.
• Being too emotionally sensitive (e.g. how he reacts to what she says, how focused he is on his feelings) or wimpy, to the point where she can’t respect him anymore. When a woman can’t respect a guy, she will then stop feeling attracted to him.
• Being too stressful to be around, due to being controlling, too worried about little things, easily irritated and so on. As a result, she can’t seem to relax and be happy around him.
• Acting like a sad, hurting, rejected ex, rather than behaving like a confident, emotionally secure, attractive man.
• Being too emotionally distant because he hopes she will then see that he’s not needy. Yet, she assumes that he’s upset, hurting or possibly doesn’t want her back anymore. It’s always better to be emotionally masculine (i.e. brave, secure, centered) and not be afraid to show some interest via flirting and re-attraction.

If you adjust, change or improve in ways that matter to her, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.

She will then feel drawn to getting back with you and will feel good about doing it.

3. Prepare yourself to offer her a refreshing experience with you

Some of the things that make a relationship feel refreshing are:

• Being able to get her out of a bad mood with humor. It’s not about being silly or goofy. Instead, it’s about being strong enough, brave enough and manly enough to use humor in a moment where you are worried about doing it. She then feels your strength and respects you for being able to handle her with confidence, rather than being afraid of her potential reaction.
• Making her feel like a sexy, desirable woman by flirting with her, rather than being too polite or neutral and making her feel like just the mother of your child and nothing more. If you don’t include flirting, the spark will almost certainly be missing between you and her. As a result, she will assume that you and her just don’t have that anymore and possibly can’t. She will then look for a new man to experience a sexual and romantic spark.
• Occasionally teasing her in a playful way, not talking about the relationship all the time and being easygoing.
• Creating a dynamic that motivates her to impress you and want you back, rather than sucking up to her in the hope that she takes pity on you, or allowing her to talk down to you in the hope that she will want you back because she has so much control over you now.

4. Make her reconnect with her romantic love and attraction for you

Some of the ways to do that include:

• Being more confident than you used to be.
• Flirting with her, rather than only having neutral, friendly, or worse, stressful interactions. For example: She says, “You need to pick up the child today at 4pm” and you laugh and say, “Okay, anything for a pretty woman like you” or, “Okay, but only because you’re pretty. If you weren’t pretty, I’d get there at 5.” You’re not sucking up to her by saying something like that. You’re saying it as a joke. You are playfully teasing her, but also giving her a compliment at the same time. When you make a woman feel attracted to you and also treat her nicely, she sees it as charming. Additionally, when a woman has had a child (or multiple children), she usually loses confidence in her physical appearance, so it feels really good to get a compliment like that.
• Making her feel girly in comparison to your manly approach to conversations and interactions, rather than being neutral or worse, making her feel more dominant than you.

5. Bring out a better side of her

The approach that a guy takes to a relationship can bring out a selfish side of a woman, where she withholds love (and sex) and treats him badly, whereas if she was with another guy, she would be loving, attentive, affectionate, sexually open and giving.

For example: If a guy is too nice to a woman and sucks up to her, she will usually see him as being desperate and feel turned off by it, rather than seeing him as an attractive man and feeling lucky to be with him because he’s so nice.

On the other hand, if that very same guy treated her well, but was also a challenge (i.e. a guy who made her feel the need to impress him and maintain his interest. He doesn’t say that. He makes her feel it), she would enjoy the relationship so much more, truly love him and want it to work.

So, focus on being a good guy to your ex, but also be a challenge so she feels motivated to be good to you in return.

For example: If she says that the child needs something and you should buy it, rather than just saying, “Okay” and then expecting nothing in return, you can be a challenge.

You can playfully (important) say, “Sure, I’ll do that…it wouldn’t hurt to say please though” and have a laugh.

You’re still going to do it, but you are playfully letting her know, in a dominant, but loving way that she needs to show you respect and appreciation.

You’re not sulking when you say it, or saying it with irritation in your voice.

Instead, you’re just having a laugh and being a bit playful, while subtly reminding her to be respectful and appreciative towards you.

When a woman feels respectful towards you, she feels attracted even if she doesn’t want to admit it, or show it in any way.

In fact, she might even act like she is annoyed, but as long as you are being confident, playful and loving while saying it, she will feel attracted to you for being able to stand up to her in that manner, rather than just being an obedient guy who follows her every order without expecting any respect or appreciation.

6. Let her sense that you could be a happy family together

Some couples have a child and then simply aren’t ready to handle all of the responsibilities that come with it.

As a result, they end up fighting, blaming, arguing and ruining their romantic feelings for each other.

On the other hand, some couples are able to remain in love romantically and be close, happy and content, regardless of how many children they have.

Couples like that don’t allow the stress of raising a family to get in the way of their sexual and romantic love for each other.

It is a challenge to do and something to get used to, but it is achievable.

If you interact with the mother of your child and she gets the sense that you and her could be a happy family together, then she will naturally begin to feel drawn to you.

For most women, it’s much better to do that, than to constantly date new men who only want sex and eventually have to settle for a guy she isn’t attracted to.

When you interact with her, re-attract her and let her sense that the dynamic between you and her could work now, she won’t be able to stop herself from thinking about you.

7. Let her see that you are confident, happy and enjoying life without her

Enjoying life without her is not about doing things on your own, working on a business or trying to get a promotion.

Instead, it’s about you having fun with other people and being happy around them without her.

Women don’t like to admit it, but when they see that, it makes them feel attracted.

In fact, some women will even act annoyed, disappointed or disgusted that a guy has been able to move on and enjoy his life, while she’s stuck taking care of a child.

Yet, secretly, she will feel attracted to him for being emotionally strong enough to get on with life after being dumped by her.

She will also feel like she is missing out on being with a more confident, emotionally mature, emotionally strong version of him, which will not only attract her, but also compel her to give him another chance before he finds another woman.

So, don’t be afraid to let her see that you’re having a fun time with other people (e. g. doing outdoor activities, attending a sports game, going to a party), even though you and her aren’t together.

8. Don’t be the one pushing for, suggesting or hinting at a relationship

If you push for a relationship, she will almost certainly put up her guard and resist you.

Most women don’t like to be pressured into a relationship they’re not sure about, especially if they don’t feel attracted.

So, the best approach is to make your ex want the relationship for her own reasons.

For example:

• She feels attracted to you in new and refreshing ways and wants to experience more of that, so she opens back up to you.
• She can see that you’ve leveled up in some of the ways that are important to her, so she worries that it will be difficult to find a new man who understands her like you do.
• She feels that if she gets back with you, you will be able to build a future together as a family, which seems safer to her than introducing new men into the picture.
• She wants your child to grow up with his/her father.
• She feels attracted to you again and worries that if you meet a new woman and fall in love, you will lose interest in being with her. So, she gets back with you while she still has a chance.

As a result, she then hints at, or suggests getting back together, without you having to push for it.

You then give her that chance.

9. Let her sense that getting back with you wouldn’t be additional work for her

Sometimes a guy will text his ex woman way too much, need a lot of her attention, or want to do time-consuming things with her that don’t necessarily involve the children.

If she isn’t attracted to him, then it will feel like work to her, or a burden or annoying obligation as a co-parent.

If she’s already busy taking care of the child and doing whatever else she does on a daily basis, she’s not going to want additional work.

This is why, the best approach is to focus on re-attracting her, while also making interactions feel fun and easygoing.

Make her smile, laugh and feel good, rather than making her feel neutral, or like interacting with you is always about something (e.g. discussing bills, making arrangements for the child, sorting out details).

10. Don’t allow the blame game to ruin things between you and her again

In some cases, both the man and woman will secretly blame each other for the breakup.

Then, if they begin to argue while having a discussion about the relationship, those secretly feelings might come out (e.g. one or both of them starts blaming the other for this/that, suggests they are responsible for the breakdown of the relationship, or for the change in their own behavior).

Blaming won’t get her back.

What will, is when you focus on making her feel attracted to and impressed by the new and improved version of you.

She will then want to forgive any past mistakes you’ve made and will also feel compelled to treat you better and be more attractive to you, to prevent you from losing interest.

11. Prepare for her trying to test you

A woman will usually test her ex’s new approach to her, by throwing a tantrum, insulting him or being unreasonable to see how he reacts.

She will want to know if his new approach is real, or just an act to get her back for now.

She will display the behavior and test to see:

• Will he remain confident and emotionally strong?
• Will he get dragged into the fake drama she is creating, or will he remain in control of his emotions?
• Will he revert back to his old patterns of behavior (e.g. get annoyed, angry, shout at her, throw a tantrum, sulk, walk away)?
• Will he give up and decide that the relationship, or being a family unit again is not worth the effort?
• Will he try to make her feel guilty, by suggesting that she is what is tearing the family apart, or keeping them apart?
• Will he try to get emotional revenge by saying something nasty to her in return, or will he be the bigger person and come from a place of love?
• Will he be able to turn her tantrum, insult or unreasonable behavior into something for both him and her to laugh about (i. e. by using humor, being playfully challenging, flirting with her)?

Depending on your reaction, the mother of your child will either stick to her decision to remain broken up, or feel drawn to you and the idea of being a family together once again.

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5 ways to get your ex back when you already have a child together

Olufunke and Doyin once had a beautiful relationship. They dated for seven years. Their relationship was the talk of the town. But soon, things soon went awry and a once happy relationship soon turned sour.

Though the relationship may have broken up, the bond of having a child together would loom large. Two years after both went their separate ways, Olufunke now wants her ex-boyfriend back. But she is now faced with a dilemma. How can she get her ex-back after having a child together?

Relationship or marriage breakups have been identified as one of the toughest things to do because everyone involved is affected in one way or another. However, have you ever stopped to consider how your children would be affected?

In trying to get an ex-lover back one has to be prepared to improve on oneself to keep each other happy in the long run.

READ ALSO: Are you ready? Here's Biblical proof that world will end on September 23 - Christians claim

Legit.ng brings you 5 things to consider what people like Doyin and Olufunke can do when considering a come back after break up.when they already have a child together:

1. Amend your old ways:

This act is very important because if your partner broke up with you based on your bad attitude, you may never get them back except you change.

In this case the first thing you need to do is to identify your flaws and be ready to improve them one after another. This will make you not only to understand yourself better but also to know what your ex truly desire for.

2. Take care of his/her child:

A woman or man absolutely falls in love with anyone who is able to take care of their child because that is the easiest way to their heart. However, they must grant them the permission to spend quality time with their child in order not to become total strangers in the nearest future.

3. Prove you can make them happy:

Having a child with someone that you are hoping to get back with can be a huge advantage. You share something in common that is more precious than almost anything else in this world. If you truly want to get your ex-boyfriend back when you have a child together, you need to be patient and to be willing to prove your change over time.

4. Don’t push yourself on him/her:

Aside from being his baby mama for baby daddy, even in normal relationships especially for the ladies never force yourself on your partner. This will only make them to believe that you can’t do anything without them and they may end up taking you for granted.

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5. Be prayerful:

In everything one does, you need to be prayerful because this is the only key that can open all doors. Whatever you commit into hands of your creator never goes wrong. If you believe going back to your ex is best for you because a child is involved, be wise about it and seek God’s face first before making any decision.

Watch Legit.ng video below:

Source: Legit.ng

Family council: how the courts return and do not return children

Circumstances of the case. In a family from Omsk, the stepfather severely punished his stepson: for four years, the boy was forced to kneel on buckwheat for the slightest offense. This happened so often and lasted so long that the croup had grown into the skin, it could only be removed with the help of surgeons. The boy's mother knew all the time about what was happening, but did not stand up for her son. The torture ended only in December 2019year, when an eight-year-old child managed to escape to a neighbor and ask for protection.

Criminal cases were opened against the boy's stepfather and mother under article 117 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation "Torture", article 112 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation "Intentional infliction of moderate bodily harm" and under article 156 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation "Failure to fulfill the obligations of raising a minor." During the investigation, the stepfather was under arrest, while the child was temporarily taken to a boarding school, where he lived with his mother for two months before the verdict was passed. As a result, the court deprived the woman of liberty for a year and a half, while her partner was sentenced to 4. 5 years in a penal colony. nine0009

What do the experts say? According to Andrey Novikov, Associate Professor of the Department of Civil Law at the Faculty of Law of St. Petersburg State University, the fact that the boy lived with his mother during the investigation and before sentencing confirms that in Russia deprivation of parental rights is an extreme measure, and the courts adhere to the course of preserving the family.

“In this case, the boy was given to the mother, most likely for the reason that she herself, unlike her cohabitant, does not pose a threat to the child's life. This, apparently, was confirmed by the guardianship authorities, the school and the doctor. Even if there are some contraindications, we adhere to the principle of maintaining the ability to raise a child in a family. But we must not forget that our courts have a female face. Judges in most cases are married women with children, and they tend to deal with these issues very carefully, ”explains the specialist. nine0009

In some cases, the desire to keep the family together is also the unwillingness to create alternative conditions for the upbringing of the child in which he would not be subjected to violence. Often this state of affairs is explained by the fact that in Russia there are already enough children left without parental care.

“We have almost 50 thousand children who are officially in the bank for adoption. Orphanages are only a temporary measure for them according to the law, but in practice it becomes permanent. Many children find themselves forced to live there until adulthood, especially given the many restrictions placed on adoption. Of course, in order not to multiply such children in orphanages, the courts try to do this: if there is at least one family member who does not pose a threat to a minor, the child is usually left with him, ”says Pen & Paper partner, head of practice special assignments Ekaterina Tyagay. nine0009

However, another decision of state bodies contradicts the course of preserving the family - after the verdict was passed, the guardianship authorities filed a lawsuit to deprive the mother of the injured boy of parental rights. This action, according to the head of the Minchenkov & Partners law office, Vasily Minchenkov, refutes the current trend.

“I think that here the guardianship had no desire to reunite the son and mother, the guardianship authorities simply watched what would happen in the framework of the criminal case. When the verdict was announced, a lawsuit for deprivation of rights followed, because we have a crime committed, child abuse is a ground for deprivation of parental rights directly specified in the law. So I would not say that there is a trend to save families. The courts each time proceed from specific circumstances. And if the child is in danger in one way or another, then the interests of the minor are in priority, and not the desire to leave relatives to live together in the same living space, ”explains the lawyer. nine0009

Vasily Minchenkov emphasizes that each case is individual, and there is no clear line in the law - in which cases parental rights are deprived, and in which not. According to article 69 of the Family Code, the court may act at its own discretion, taking into account all the circumstances of the case.

Circumstances of the case. An unusual case is being considered in the Moscow region, where a 15-year-old girl is trying to deprive her own mother of parental rights. According to the teenager, the parent constantly beats her. In 2016, after a school medical examination, the Investigative Committee even opened a criminal case under the article “Battery”, but as a result it was closed. According to the girl, her mother forced her to change her testimony. Since then, according to the girl, she persuaded herself to endure until adulthood, but in the fall of 2019th she could not stand it and after another beating she turned to the guardianship and guardianship authorities. Now the minor lives in a social rehabilitation center and is waiting for the court, which should decide whether or not to deprive her mother of parental rights.

What do the experts say? In such situations, according to Andrey Novikov, the main problem is to prove the need for such a measure. By law, any child can contact the guardianship, law enforcement or supervisory authorities, or ask for help at school. However, here the question of faith in the words of the child arises: is he embellishing the situation, is he trying to “teach a lesson” to his parents after an ordinary quarrel. It is up to the guardianship authorities to establish all the details - it is they who make conclusions, which can then be appealed in court

“If a child shows bruises and is afraid to go to his parents, he should definitely be given protection, a temporary place of residence. If a minor is worried about something else, he needs to be provided with medical assistance and be sure to indicate how and by whom the beatings were inflicted. This will be evidence in court when deciding on deprivation of parental rights. This is not a situation where a student had a fight with his parents and wanted to go live with his girlfriend's parents, for example. If the court does not confirm the version of this girl, then she will have to return back to her mother. In this situation, she needs to attract a psychologist, ”Andrey Novikov believes. nine0009

He notes that if the court finds no reason to terminate parental rights, then it will have no reason to decide that the child should live separately from the parents. In this sense, according to the expert, there is a gap in Russian legislation.

“A child may not be beaten or even insulted, it's just that sometimes people have a serious psychological incompatibility, it's very hard to live together. This is especially true in teenagers. Unfortunately, in our country there is no such thing that in such situations a teenager could live somewhere temporarily separately, as in a camp. It’s different for us: we want him to live in the family, ”says Andrey Novikov. nine0009

Ekaterina Tyagai emphasizes that the schoolgirl's story is very revealing and draws a parallel with the sensational case of the Khachaturian sisters, who were systematically subjected to violence within the family, which was not known before the murder of their father.

“[The guardianship authorities] could have actually prevented the murder, stopped this heinous violence, but did nothing about this family and the girls. This is very similar to this example with a teenager from the Moscow region, when a child has been subjected to constant violence all his life, for 15 years. This cannot but be noticed first by a pediatrician, then by a teacher in a kindergarten, then by teachers in elementary school and in high school, social security authorities and guardianship. This means that they all showed a certain degree of detachment and indifference to the situation, which brought the child to the extreme, when the teenager is forced to try to protect his rights in this way on his own. The good thing is that the girl is already at the age when the courts are obliged to listen to the opinion of the child regarding who she should live with, ”the specialist concludes. nine0009

Vasily Minchenkov also believes that this case is an example of improper performance of their duties by guardianship and guardianship authorities. The girl managed to draw attention to her problem only after contacting the regional children's ombudsman.

“The girl's actions were correct: she turned to the guardianship authorities, looked for support in social networks. As I understand it, guardianship did not immediately react, but only after the Commissioner for Children's Rights and law enforcement agencies got down to business. Only then was the lawsuit initiated. That is, here the child was the initiator of this procedure, ”says the lawyer. nine0009

Vasily Minchenkov notes that any child can apply to the guardianship authorities with a complaint about abuse in the family. In this case, there are no age restrictions. After such a complaint, a check must be carried out, and if the history of the minor is confirmed, then the case may go to court. Only in litigation, according to Article 57 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation, the need to take into account the opinion of the child depends on his age. Thus, the judge may take into account the opinion of the child about his desire or unwillingness to live with his parents only after he turns 10 years old. Therefore, if we talk about a 15-year-old girl who does not want to live with her own mother, then her opinion on this case will be key. nine0009

Case circumstances . Most often, when it comes to deprivation of parental rights, dysfunctional families are meant. The exception to the rule was the situation in Moscow, where a five-year-old girl has been living in a private clinic since birth. She does not see her family and only occasionally talk to her on the phone. The result is an ambiguous situation: on the one hand, the child lives in an expensive medical institution, where she is provided with all the necessary conditions. On the other hand, she does not know family life, because she is deprived of it. nine0009

The clinic management states that the child no longer needs medical support and can live with his relatives, but they refuse to do so. The girl's mother claimed that the girl was sick from birth, for this reason she had to live under the supervision of doctors. However, clinic doctors believe that the child is generally healthy and can live at home. During the trial, the court took the side of the medical institution and limited the girl's parents in parental rights.

What do the experts say? nine0004 “Here it is obvious that the harm to the child was not physical, but primarily psychological. The girl was cut off from the environment in which children of a similar age develop naturally. For 5 years, she saw nothing around her but the hospital walls. The child was constantly under psychological pressure, which he himself might not understand, but doctors, including child psychologists, parents and guardianship authorities, who, alas, very rarely have an interest in financially prosperous families, should have been aware of this, ”says Ekaterina Tyagay. nine0009

According to Andrey Novikov, paying for an expensive medical institution does not justify the fact that the girl was imprisoned in the clinic all her life. In fact, this is regulated by Article 69 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation, which states that parents can be deprived of parental rights if they “refuse, without good reason, to take their child from a maternity hospital (department) or from another medical organization, educational organization, social service organization or from similar organizations. nine0009

“In this situation, I think the parents have no desire to raise their daughter in the family, to fulfill their parental responsibilities. We are talking about very rich people who think they can buy anyone and anything. But even if you have a lot of money and arranged a child not in a family, this is a reason to think. The girl's mother says that her health is very poor. The court must take this into account. On the other hand, the child has two parents, there is a father, he can take care of the child. In addition, we have diseases when people really cannot be under the same roof, for example, an open form of tuberculosis, manic depressive psychosis. This is not what we are talking about here, so I believe that the child should live in a family,” says Andrey Novikov. nine0009

Special attention deserves the specific behavior of parents who did not come to court, and before that they avoided guardianship authorities. According to Vasily Minchenkov, this plays a big role during the trial. The degree of their involvement indicates the desire or unwillingness to raise a child.