How to deal with a psychopath child

Protecting Myself From My Adult Psychopathic Child

By Anonymous

“Your child is not normal”.  

Can you imagine feeling happy and relieved at reading these words about your child–words that were written to me by an experienced therapist?  

Can you imagine being told by a psychiatrist that the best outcome you could hope for with your adult child is that they never contact you again?  The BEST possible outcome? 

Can you imagine looking through a stack of saved papers relating to your child and finding articles with titles like:  “What drives emotional abuse and how to begin to recover”?   

Can you imagine needing to talk to your boss to alert them that they might be receiving an anonymous and malicious complaint about you from your adult child?  

I have had all of these experiences. 

The reason I was so happy and relieved to be told at last that my child wasn’t “normal” was that I finally knew there was an explanation for the horrible way my child treated me. Unfortunately, the explanation was that my child is psychopathic. 

I didn’t know that at the time. But looking back at family photos, I see that the facial expression my child wears in almost all of them is haughty, arrogant, and hostile.  Almost never a real smile. Who would want to make such faces?   

Now I know the answer: a child who is fundamentally callous. Who does not have normal emotions like joy and love. Who can hurt people without experiencing any remorse.  It was frustrating and difficult when they were still young. But having an adult child with psychopathy is all about fear—sometimes even terror.  

Emotional fear of my child. 

Fear of their constant seething anger, their withering and never-ending insults.  My child didn’t like my voice, my cooking style, the way I cleaned the house — and other things I’ve tried to forget.  I don’t know what it is with psychopathic children, but several I’ve heard of hate the sound of their parents’ voices.  There were other forms of put downs – for example, telling me other people don’t like me and can’t I see that? 

And it’s not accidental. There’s malicious intent.   

I remain in physical fear of my child.  

Fear that they would try to kill me, and even an idea of how they would do it. 

Fear of speaking up to anyone about my experiences–of admitting to anyone that I’m afraid of my own adult child.     

Fear of being accused by other people of having created the psychopathy myself, whereas I know that I’m the victim of it and not the cause. 

Fear of my child’s false claims that they are scared of me.  

Fear of the fake crying, the manipulation of therapists.   

Fear of their lying about me to others–the last of which is so humiliating and disgraceful. The false claims that I was an abusive parent–which I believe they loved to say since it garnered so much attention–was so vile. 

Fear of the criticisms, of the panic attacks I have had, a result of the way my child treated me. 

I have found myself wishing that there was a mistake at the hospital, that somebody could convince me that this child isn’t my biological child.   The fact that my body produced this child feels like such a betrayal.  How could my own body produce a person who would grow up to abuse me?  

I have reluctantly come to realize my child doesn’t feel any true affection for me. I was a prop, a tool to get other people’s attention, to become the center of attention, which they crave.

If you have the misfortune to be the parent of a psychopathic child, I know you will recognize elements of your own stories in mine. You will meet people who will doubt your story, or doubt that you tried your hardest to be a good parent, or both. They will think you caused your child’s problems and that you’re getting what you deserve.  

I want to make sure you know that there are others out there like you. I am like you. Parents like me understand how  demoralizing raising a child with psychopathy often is. 

Sure, there are potential treatments and sure, your adult child might improve over time.  (Emphasis on might.)  But until that happens I am so sorry to say that the best thing you can do to help and protect yourself  is to stop wishing for emotional closeness of any kind with your child.   The best thing you can hope for, and the best way to protect yourself from being a target, is to have minimal contact with your child.    

Specifically: 

1.  I would never let myself be alone with my child, for fear of what they might do, or what they might say I did
   
2. I would never take part in family therapy with my child–there is a good chance that they will manipulate the therapist, and it’s a chance I don’t want to take. 
   
3. I never contact my child unless they contact me first.  I always reply promptly, but I never initiate. 

The failure to implement these measures could potentially be very costly to you, the parent—emotionally, financially, or even physically. As a parent it’s hard to admit, but some adult children are difficult in such a way that parents have to prioritize protecting themselves.

Child Psychopath - Causes, Signs, Diagnosis and Treatment

Generally, most kids do not have psychopathy. Psychopathic traits can be detected from the early stages of childhood. While kids are not born with callous and unemotional traits, two distinct paths can lead to psychopathy in children. One of them is dominated by nature, and the other one is by nurture. No parents would ever want their kids to have psychopathy. Read on to know more about psychopathy in children, symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment.

What Is Psychopathy in Children?

Psychopathy is an adult condition; hence children cannot be labeled as a psychopath. Children are not born with psychopathy. The term psychopath describes many behavioral characteristics that specify an individual is dishonest, uncaring, and insensitive. These traits are commonly known as antisocial personality disorder. 

Children with psychopathy are impassive and cruel most of the time. Reflection of interpersonal deficits in kids is a serious condition. Parents need to understand the cause and recognize the early signs of a psychopathic child. Children can be diagnosed with the oppositional defiant disorder and eventually with conduct disorder in their teens. These involve not following the basic social rules or even violating the rights of others.

Psychopathy is commonly associated with males than females; however, it is not a male disorder alone. Also, not all psychopaths are dangerous, or criminal and not all dangerous criminals are psychopaths. For instance, some kids may be downright mean or show uncaring attitudes towards others; however, this might not sign a psychopath.

What Causes Psychopathy in a Child?

It is important to understand what is going wrong with your children. Psychopathy is a behavioral and developmental disorder. There has been a lot of debate around what causes psychopathy in children. However, there is no clear-cut cause that can be singled out. Psychopathy results from a more complex amalgamation of genetic factors, non-genetic (environmental) factors, family dynamics, and other life experiences. Below are some of the commonly known theories and hypotheses that are believed to cause psychopathy in children:

• Psychopathy develops in children who have been neglected, physically abused, or separated from their parents.
• Lack of bonding between children and parents due to multiple factors can lead to causing psychopathy. For example, parents who are victims of substance abuse or have mental health problems are less likely to bond with their children.
• The brains of some children react differently in different conditions like negative stimuli, sadness, or fear. Thus, they have difficulty relating to the emotions of other people.
• Amygdala is a region and structure of the brain which is responsible for social responsiveness. While research in this field continues, this region may be less active or smaller in children with psychopathy. Hence, they could be less socially responsive and fearless compared to other children.
• Peer victimization is also one of the reasons for children to become unemotional and insensitive.  

The above causes are not conclusive; however, they partly explain the causes. When it comes to psychopathy in children, it is important to pay attention to education aspects, social influences, and parents’ actions, all of which, put together, can influence the child’s behavior. 

Children who have psychopathic characters show some typical signs. While the children can be extremely intelligent, they tend to be impulsive and behave recklessly. Go through the list of signs and symptoms below if you do not know how to tell if your child is a psychopath.

1. Lacking Empathy

Children who have psychopathic characters will not empathize with others. They will abnormally have decreased sensitivity when they see others in pain and distress. They will not feel guilty about their behavior.

2. Hostility & Aggression

The child will show extreme aggression when anger or punishment is meted out on them.

3. Indifferent To Punishment

Being indifferent to punishment is a common tendency in children with psychopathic symptoms. It does not change the child’s behavior.

4. Throwing Tantrums

Due to their aggressive nature, children with psychopathic symptoms often throw extreme tantrums at others. 

5. Continuously Lying

Lying becomes a habit in children, and they are often dishonest with others irrespective of who they are. 

6. Cruelty Towards Animals

One of the earliest indicators of psychopathic symptoms in children is showing cruelty to animals. Due to a lack of empathy and indifference, the children exhibit such antisocial behavior.

7. Superficially Charming

Children with psychopathic symptoms can very easily and excellently manipulate things to their advantage. Such skills in them also give them a superficially charming personality. 

8. Show Criminal Conduct 

Children with psychopathic symptoms can increasingly have a criminal mentality. There could be a rise in recurring problems with the law.

Diagnosis of Psychopathy in Children 

Numerous checklists have been developed to identify and diagnose children with psychopathic conditions. The most commonly used diagnostic tools for screening psychopathy in children are Hare’s PCR (Psychopathy Checklist-Revised), YPI (Youth Psychopathic Traits Inventory), and (APSD-SR) Anti-Social Process Screening Device – Self Report.

YPI Test is the most commonly used questionnaire to assess psychopathic symptoms in children and adolescents. YPI is a self-report tool that is given to adolescents where they answer questions about themselves. There are ten subscales in the questionnaire combined to gauge three personality traits like Behavioral, Interpersonal, and affective traits. YPI test has proved to be reliable in diagnosing.

The test assesses the below symptoms in the ten subscales:

• Insensitive
• Manipulation
• Lying
• Impulsiveness
• Irresponsibility
• Dishonest Charm
• Thrill-seeking
• Grandiosity
• Remorselessness

It is crucial to note that no single psychopathic trait or behavior can label a child as a psychopath. However, it is a collection of traits to indicate psychopathy in children.

Treatment to Take

Psychotherapy is treatable. Psychopathy in children can begin from a very early stage of their life. First victims of children are usually their siblings, parents, or other companions. While they can learn to control their anger, they might not be able to do so in the long run.

Psychotherapy in children needs to be treated in a variety of ways. It is always advisable to take the professional help of a doctor, pediatrician, or someone who specializes in Mental Health services. They will effectively be able to gauge, diagnose and treat the symptoms of the child. The different means would include behavioral skills training, psychotherapy, problem-solving skills, the importance of empathy, and emotion recognition. 

“Can child psychopaths be cured?” is a question that often hits the parents of psychopathic children. There are different choices of treatments that can suit any individual’s therapy. Below is more information on some of the choices of treatment:

• Family Intensive Therapy: These are therapeutic methods that help affected children develop skills to succeed in relationships, behavior, and managing emotions. This is a collaborative therapy between the child and their parents to help them accommodate the unusual needs of the child. Multi-systemic family therapy reduces a psychopathic child’s risk of engaging in criminal behavior. Family integrated therapy can help reduce socially aggressive behaviors and help them focus on the importance of family relationships.
• Individual-based Therapy: This is the most psychotherapy that is considered on focusing on the individual in particular. This therapy does not limit to just children but also people of any age group. This therapy involves the identification of patterns of behavior, thought processes, relationships, daily life situations, regulation of emotion, and other post-traumatic experiences. After that, guide the child on how to respond effectively to these challenging situations. This method is also used for treating different personality disorders and for people with psychopathy who are at high risk. 
• Residential Therapy: This method usually comes in handy to treat psychopathic children and adolescents when family or home-based methods do not benefit. Parents always need to consult the healthcare provider to understand if their child needs residential therapy. The doctor can suggest the best residential treatment facilities for their child.   This method works well when multiple complex issues need to be treated. There is a lack of support from the community and safety concerns. Residential treatments are usually expensive; hence parents can consider funding options like health insurance, Medicaid, state-funded programs, etc. 
• Medicines: Medicines do not cure psychopathy but will help to subside and reduce the symptoms of psychopathy. Medicines are to be considered after all other possible ways of interventions do not work. Health care providers and therapists are the best to decide about the usage and limit of medicines. Medicines will not work equally on everyone, and they may also have side effects. Generally, medications like antipsychotics, psychostimulants, or mood stabilizers are often prescribed to reduce the symptoms of psychopathy. Keep in mind, do not try using medicines on your own. Always consult your health care provider.

Tips to Deal With Psychopathy in Kids

Parents or caregivers need to be extremely calm and composed when dealing with psychopathy in kids. It is generally a challenging task to maintain a good balance of love, tact, and therapy. Even when there is a professional intervention, parents have a critical role in managing the different psychopathic conditions in their children.

• A child showing a lack of empathy and remorse gives them a chance to be compassionate, kind, and empathetic towards others.
• Make the environment at home positive and child-friendly, allowing the child to work on relationships with family members.
• Identify the strengths and weaknesses of your child. Ensure to work and boost the strengths.
• It is best not to embarrass your child in front of others; avoid belittling them, putting them down, or even reprimanding them in public.
• Teach positive coping strategies to your kids who show symptoms of manipulation
• Teach your child how to identify and express their rage appropriately and healthily. 
• It’s important to make your child feel special and wanted. No matter what happens, they are still loved and accepted in the family.
• Work on every instance of gaining the trust of your child. This will go a long way in fostering positivity and make them feel everyone is on the same side.
• It is a good idea not to mete out severe punishments on your child.
• You may notice your psychopathic child is experiencing delusions and is showing signs of being in a fantasy world with superpowers. Do not delay; contact a child psychologist immediately. Professionals will help these children to think and look at things more realistically.

When to See a Doctor?

Keeping an eye on your kids, keenly observing the behavioral patterns are important. You could notice your child hiding things or lying on multiple occasions. These always necessarily do not indicate your child has psychopathy. However, when such symptoms repeatedly occur, showing cruelty towards animals and people, exhibiting lack of empathy, being in a remorse state often, or behaving very callously, it is advisable to see a psychologist or a pediatrician doctor. The treating doctor will perform a comprehensive evaluation to gauge and guide you in the best manner to have the symptoms treated effectively.

Parents can notice the signs of psychopathy in their child from a very early stage, as early as a toddler. While one child may show just one symptom of psychopathy, other children may show more than one symptom. Early detection and treatment of the psychopathic condition in your child will make a big difference in their lives and the people living around them. Children develop psychopathic traits even before they turn 16. With the right care and the right treatment at the right time, psychopathic traits can be reduced or even cured. So, even if you have a psychopath in your house, do not be alarmed and get assistance from the right people, and everything will be well.

Also Read:

Dyscalculia in Kids
Absence Seizures in Kids
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Children

Is the child a psychopath? What to do?

Posted on February 15, 2019 - Marina Osborne

Viewers of my channel and members of my Facebook group often ask the question: “What if the child is a psychopath?”

Firstly, a child and a teenager before they reach 18 years of age, in principle, do not receive such a diagnosis. “Psychopath” is an outdated term commonly used to refer to people with antisocial or antisocial personality disorder. This type of personality disorder also includes malignant narcissism. nine0003

Before reaching puberty, the psyche and character of a child and adolescent are in the process of formation. Before the age of 15, specialists can diagnose a child's or teen's bad behavior that is out of the norm. The diagnosis is called conduct disorder. For individuals over 18 years of age, a diagnosis of conduct disorder is made only if there are no diagnostic markers for antisocial personality disorder. Between 15 and 18 years is a kind of "interim" period when a teenager turns into an adult, choosing a model of behavior and a way of interacting with the world and society, in particular. nine0003

Secondly, if your child has been showing signs of a conduct disorder since childhood, don't rush to brand him with any diagnoses like "psycho", "schizo", "psychopath" and the like. First of all, you will have to accept the child no matter what he is, until he becomes independent and independent of you.

The best upbringing and the guarantee that the child and adolescent will overcome all crises of behavior, negative social stereotypes and temptations are not words, but from early childhood involving the child in their adult affairs, demonstrating by deed, and not by words, the rules and principles of normal healthy behavior and interactions with other people. Do the cleaning, cooking, socializing with other adults - let the child be present and be involved in all these natural processes. nine0003

It is also necessary to teach the child from early childhood to respect both his own and others' boundaries. If you, as a parent, yourself constantly violate the boundaries of the child (physical punishment, destruction, breakage or damage to objects and things of your child, insults, immoderate and inadequate manifestations of love or even physical attraction to the child, overprotection and overcontrol, mockery of attachments, hobbies, choice of the child, and so on), then you yourself provoke the child’s behavioral disorder at first, and subsequently the antisocial disorder of his personality. This does not mean that the parent is fully responsible for how the child grows up. If we take any family with two or more children, we can almost always observe such a picture that children who received the same upbringing from the same parents, in the same social environment, very often grow up completely different from each other. to each other in character and behavior. Brothers and sisters almost always, with rare exceptions, have different fates, different temptations and trials, and different life endings. In low-income alcoholic parents, children often become rich and successful, and in families of hereditary intellectuals or successful wealthy businessmen, children sometimes grow up and turn into criminals, drug addicts and outcasts. nine0003

A parent is responsible for his or her child until the child begins to lead an independent life. But parents cannot control absolutely everything that happens outside of his parental control.

In addition to genetic predisposition, your child is subject to social influences. This is the second significant risk factor that shapes the future co-iopath/psychopath/malignant narcissist. Therefore, every parent should keep abreast and be aware of what is happening outside the home. nine0020